Does your boyfriend fall asleep constantly, to the point where it affects your relationship?
Do you feel like you’re missing out on important relationship milestones because he keeps hitting snooze?
Keep reading to find out why your boyfriend sleeps all day and what to do about it.
1. Determine How Bad The Situation Is
If you feel like your boyfriend is asleep all the time, it’s good to define exactly what that looks like.
There’s a big difference between being annoyed that your boyfriend canceled one date to take a nap, and being genuinely worried that he’s continuously slacking off his responsibilities, just to sleep.
For example, does he work 60 hours a week, and crash the second he’s off the clock? Or does he not even have a job and chooses to simply lounge around all day?
If your boyfriend is sleeping an unreasonable amount during the day and it’s making you unhappy, you need to do something about it.
Before you talk to him about it, you should try to determine the root cause of the issue.
2. Figure Out Why He’s Sleeping So Much
It makes a huge difference whether your boyfriend is able to be a functional member of society, or if his sleep is causing him to truly miss out on important parts of life- for example, your relationship!
Here are the three main reasons your boyfriend might be sleeping all day.
He has a medical problem
If your boyfriend is struggling to the extent that he truly can’t get out of bed, even for vital activities like work and school, there may a medical reason for his chronic sleepiness.
Be it sleep apnea, a low thyroid, depression, or another sleep-related condition, it’s in your boyfriend’s best interest to speak with a professional about his issues.
Encourage your boyfriend to seek professional help and try not to be too hard on him, he likely can’t control his tiredness.
He’s too stressed
Does the issue really start once he’s off work (or school)? Is he too tired to even go out? Does he often cancel plans with his friends in favor of sleep?
If this is the case, while it doesn’t necessarily rule out a medical issue, it also opens the door to a variety of other possible causes.
Perhaps stress from work, school or family is actually what’s causing the issue.
In this case your boyfriend likely needs your support to help him balance his life better, so that he can both be a functional member of society and relax with you from time to time.
He isn’t committed to your relationship
Finally, the issue that might hit closest to home, is if his overzealous sleep schedule only seems to affect your relationship.
Does your boyfriend go to work and see his friends, and yet suddenly need a nap every time you come around?
If so, you might feel hurt or even abandoned by his behaviour- and rightfully so. Even if his schedule is insanely busy, you shouldn’t be the only one in his life suffering the consequences of it.
3. Decide If It’s A Sleep Problem Or A Relationship Issue
If his sleep problems are really just relationship problems in disguise, you may have much more to unpack.
If it’s a lifestyle issue, there are several ways your boyfriend can overcome his issues, whether it be a cold brew coffee in the morning, or a prescription from his doctor.
However, if his sleeping habits have more to do with your relationship and the (lack of) time that you spend together, there are more than likely several underlying issues that you’ll have to identify and work through together.
If you fear this may be the case, don’t panic. Ask yourself the following questions before jumping to any conclusions:
Has he always been an oversleeper?
When you first met your boyfriend, did you joke about how sleepy he always seemed? Did you only really notice the extent of the issue once you started spending more time together?
If this is the case, it’s more than likely not something to do with your relationship- phew!
The bad news, though, is that your boyfriend has built an entire lifestyle around getting more than enough Z’s.
This may be difficult for him to overcome, and impossible for him to do overnight (no pun intended). However, with honest communication and some lifestyle readjustment, he is absolutely capable of overcoming his sleep issues.
Has your boyfriend suddenly started sleeping more than normal
On the other hand, if your boyfriend has suddenly started sleeping more than normal, ask yourself if something has changed in his life recently to cause that switch.
Has he just started a new job that’s forced him to wake up three hours earlier all of a sudden? Is he studying and working at the same time?
If he’s adjusting to a new and strenuous schedule, it may be best to just give him a little time and TLC.
You are still well within your right to voice your concerns to him and ensure that this doesn’t become a long-term issue. Hopefully, however, once he adjusts to his new way of life, he’ll settle back into a normal sleep schedule.
4. Speak To Him About The Issue
If you haven’t already, make sure you bring the issue up in a calm manner when your boyfriend has the time and energy for a meaningful conversation.
Think about exactly what you want to say in advance, so that you can phrase your concerns in the best way possible.
This will help improve the odds of your boyfriend being receptive to discussing his sleep problems, so that you can come to a solution that benefits both of you.
Even if you have already brought the topic up, try again, but rephrase your talking points so that he doesn’t feel like you’re simply rehashing the same issue. If you know him well enough, try to phrase your opinion in whatever manner you think he’ll be most responsive to.
Once you’ve voiced your thoughts about his sleep problems, your boyfriend’s response will be very telling.
Did he listen to you, explain his side, and come to a compromise? Or did he simply shut you down and ignore your concerns?
If he did the latter, he’s likely either in denial about his issue, or has no intention of changing his sleeping pattern.
Obviously, this is a tricky situation.
You’re not happy, and he’s not willing to change his behaviour.
5. Consider Breaking Up With Him
If it’s a real dealbreaker, make sure to tell him.
He needs to understand that him sleeping all day is affecting your relationship.
It’s your relationship. You have a right to be happy and to feel like you have a real partner. Relationships take two, and it’s pretty hard when one person is unconscious all the time.
Ok, a quick summary:
Firstly, make sure you’ve correctly identified the source of the issue.
Is it caused by internal or external forces (i.e., is it his job’s fault, or is it his just personality)? Is it a short-term issue due to a change in schedule, or is it a chronic condition?
It’s important to get these facts straight, because the next step is to talk to him about his problems.
As mentioned above, ensure you do so calmly, at an ideal time. During this conversation, try to come up with a joint agreement/compromise that will satisfy you both.
Perhaps he can keep his 12PM weekend wake-up time, but has to go for brunch with you once he’s awake, instead of watching Netflix in bed for the rest of the day.
Ideally, you’ll be able to come up with a win-win solution, to ensure that you continue to make each other happy in the long run.
Sleep is no match for your love!
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