“Want to hang out at my place?”
“You should come over!”
A guy you’ve been texting or hanging out with is asking you to come over to his place.
It should be simple to reply, right?
Deciding to go over to a guy’s place for the first time comes with a ton of stress and a multitude of questions.
Do you really want to go to his place? What happens if you say no? Will you hurt his feelings by rejecting him? How do you even respond?
If you don’t know how to react in this situation, don’t worry!
Here’s how to make your decision and reply to a guy saying “come over”.
Decide if you want to to go to his place
The very first thing to do is to ask yourself if you want to go to his place.
Do you know him well enough to be alone with him? Does he make you feel safe? Does he live with roommates or his parents? If things do get sexual, are you emotionally ready for that next step?
These are all things you need to consider before you respond.
Consider your relationship status
The next step is to consider your relationship with this guy.
Do you know him well? Are you officially dating or just flirting? Is your relationship one-sided, or do you both feel the same way? Are you catching feelings for him, or is it a physical thing?
You should consider all these things before you respond. If not, you might end up making a decision that will hurt you in the long run.
Set boundaries and expectations
When you go over to a guy’s place one of two things could happen – you could hook up, or you could simply spend time together.
If you decide to go over to a guy’s place, it’s important that you decide beforehand what you are comfortable with so that you can set expectations and boundaries with him.
While there tends to be a societal expectation to “Netflix-and-chill,” don’t let that impact your decision!
You can still have a good time hanging out on the couch getting to know each other, watching a movie, listening to music, or having a nice meal.
Whatever you choose to do, always make sure to be safe.
Stay away from drugs and alcohol to ensure that you are both in the right mindset to establish consent.
If you feel uncomfortable or uneasy in any way, trust your instincts and put your safety first! Say “no”, get a friend or family member to call you with a fake excuse, and get away from him as quickly as possible.
How to respond to a text from a guy saying “come over”
So you’ve asked yourself all the tough questions, thought things through, and decided that you want to go over to his place.
The next step is to reply to his text.
You shouldn’t feel rushed to give him an answer. Take the time you need to decide what you want to say, just make sure you do reply to him at some point rather than ghosting him.
If you want to hang out at his place, here are some examples of how you could respond to his text message:
“Sure, that sounds like fun!”
“I’d love to come over”
“Yes sure 😊”
“Cool, what time suits?”
It can also be a good idea to set his expectations and let him know your boundaries when replying to his text message.
“Sure I can come to your place, but I just want to hang out”
“Yes I can come over, but just so you know, I’m not ready for anything yet”
“I’m happy to hang out at your place as long as you don’t have any expectations”
If you’re still not 100% sure that you want to go to his house or apartment, you can ask him some questions before making a decision.
“What would we do at your place?”
“Maybe, would it just be the two of us?”
“What are you expecting if I come to your place?”
“Hmm I’m not sure, what would we do?”
If you don’t want to go to his place
Letting someone down is always hard but sometimes necessary.
Whether you don’t feel comfortable being alone with him, think that it’s too soon, or you’re just not in the mood, you should honor your thoughts and feelings and share them with him.
You have the right to trust your instincts, establish boundaries, and say no.
How to say “no”
The word “no” can sometimes come off as cruel or insensitive, but you can always respond more softly if you don’t want to hurt his feelings.
Here are some ways you could respond if he asks you to come over:
“I’d rather hang out somewhere else, do you want to go to _____”
“I’d like to get to know you a bit better before I go over to your place”
“I’m not ready for that yet, I hope you understand!”
“Thanks for asking but I’m not comfortable going over to someone’s place when I haven’t known them for that long”
Let him know what you’re thinking and why you don’t want to come over. Honesty is a virtue and it will help better your relationship in the long run.
A good guy will respect your boundaries and wait until you’re ready to go to the next level.
Block, block, block
Sometimes you don’t see a person’s true colors until things don’t go exactly their way.
If he acts like a jerk when you tell him “no”, it’s a giant red flag.
If he gets angry, throws a tantrum, ignores your attempts at communication, or tries to guilt you into coming over, take it as a warning sign that he’s not the right guy for you.
If you feel threatened, remember that you have the power to remove him from your life. A simple click of the block button should take care of the issue.
It’s hard to decide whether or not you want to hang out at a guy’s place and it’s difficult to know what to say when a guy sends you a text saying “come over”.
It’s completely your choice whether you want to have a little fun with a guy or stay at home.
The bottom line is to take your time to think about it, say yes if you want to go, say no if you don’t, and always speak your mind.
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